Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

:iconzippip: More from zippip

Featured in Collections

Writings by WolfxButterfly

II-High by AyeAye12

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
October 26, 2012
File Size
144 bytes


117 (who?)
frozen pond-
by the raccoon tracks
a web of cracks
After note--to everyone who left a kind note or a tapped their favorite button, thank you so much. Thank you for taking the time to read. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And to everyone who is confused by the fact it's called a haiku when it doesn't have the America 5-7-5 syllables, allow me to try and explain: In Japan the "on" (or morae) which is arranged in 5, 7 and 5 has no English equivalent. The closest we have is what we call a syllable. But there's a problem with using that because an "on" is significantly shorter than a syllable. The Japanese haiku are, therefore, significantly shorter than their American counterparts. I like the challenge of creating the image using fewer words, and so (like many others) I usually skip the syllable count and go for brevity--trying for something closer to the length of translated Japanese haiku. Other times, I'll count syllables, but limit them to 3-5-3, which is still imperfect for comparison, but more interesting and challenging to me.

Again thank you.
Add a Comment:

Daily Deviation

Given 2014-04-29
Haiku 42 by zippip is "a perfect sliver in time" (suggester's words). ( Suggested by zebrazebrazebra and Featured by neurotype )
PaperDart Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014   Writer
I like how much you say without saying, and I like the almost-parallel between the raccoon tracks and the cracks in the ice (and the way the rhyme lifts out the almost-parallel without being obvious about it at all). Congrats on the DD! :D
DPANDERS Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
There seems to be a lot of disapproval towards this being awarded a DD. For those of you who do not understand why this is deserving, please allow me to help paint a picture for you.

The air moves frigidly through the dead branches of icy skeletal trees; your footprints melt away with each step when you stumble across a field ice. A loud crack followed swiftly by a splash breaks the chilling silence which quickly resumes thereafter. You look for any signs of origin regarding the unrest. Your eyes fall to tiny tracks leading up to the frozen pond. Upon further inspection, you notice it: the broken ice at the end of the tracks. What you feel from there is up to you.

I just conveyed an image with 88 words. This poet managed to paint the same mental illustration with just 10. If you do not find this equivalent to art, then you do not appreciate the diversity that this website offers.
soulspoken Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional Writer
So many images of nature in a little piece of writing. You say you are going for brevity here and you hit the mark wonderfully. You give us the setting, the weather, and the happening. Why is the ice cracking? Was there an impact? Is there imminent danger? Is there something creating a trap? Who knows. That is what is so wonderful about this little guy. I see so much without being given much. Thank you. :)
Atheshya Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like~  The last line in particular is a really great image.

I did want to say though, there is a way to count morae in English!  English doesn't really center any of its stress patterns or writing system or anything around morae, but it is possible to count them.

A one-mora syllable would be: a syllable that is just a vowel, or a syllable that is a consonant followed by a short vowel.  "A" and "the" are obvious examples.  There is an issue here in that English doesn't really differentiate between short and long vowels; I would suggest going by ear for this one.

Two-morae would be: a long vowel, a consonant followed by a long vowel, or a consonant followed by a short vowel followed by a consonant.

Three-morae would be: a consonant followed by a long vowel followed by a consonant.

So basically, if C stands for consonant, V stands for short vowel, and V: stands for long vowel, we get:
1: V, CV
2: V:, CV:, CVC
3: CV:C

I hope that made sense and helped!  And I'm sorry if this felt like me criticizing you (I really hope it didn't) - it looks like you've gotten a really strangely negative response to the DD, so I hope everything's alright.
Paixi Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student
I imagine something fell in, maybe the raccoon.
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: ClapClapClap
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: Tight Hug
TheMidnightWhisp Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Huh, took me a few times to see the picture.
:) I like the image you have painted. I'm a huge fan of haiku's so congrats on the DD. :D
gamewizard-2008 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hast the raccoon crossed safely.
the-Loony Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
hmmm... one mora desnīt necesserily have to be shorter than a sillable. itīs just that they are, among themselves, all the same spoken lenght (technically speaking).
some sillybles: un, self, bound, I, for, worth, which, ... (correct me if iīm wrong, i never had to detect sillables in english)
some morae: fu, nu, kyo (where the y melts in between the k and the o, not taking itīs own "space" in the time which it takes to pronounce), shu, ba, ...

so while syllables are fitted into a rhythm (with each sound sometimes taking up more "space" and sometimes less, to go along with the rhythm), morae ARE the rhythm. of course there are many syllables that are made up of more sounds than a mora.#

very interesting thing, so forgive me on nerding out a little.
the-Loony Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
also i forgot - due to my professional interest in the japanese language - to comment on the haiku itself! pardon.

itīs very nice, an immediate source for a picture, springing up in my mind. so iīd say, a success. :)
Add a Comment: