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frozen pond-
by the raccoon tracks
a web of cracks
-
After note--to everyone who left a kind note or a tapped their favorite button, thank you so much. Thank you for taking the time to read. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And to everyone who is confused by the fact it's called a haiku when it doesn't have the America 5-7-5 syllables, allow me to try and explain: In Japan the "on" (or morae) which is arranged in 5, 7 and 5 has no English equivalent. The closest we have is what we call a syllable. But there's a problem with using that because an "on" is significantly shorter than a syllable. The Japanese haiku are, therefore, significantly shorter than their American counterparts. I like the challenge of creating the image using fewer words, and so (like many others) I usually skip the syllable count and go for brevity--trying for something closer to the length of translated Japanese haiku. Other times, I'll count syllables, but limit them to 3-5-3, which is still imperfect for comparison, but more interesting and challenging to me.

Again thank you.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-04-29
Haiku 42 by zippip is "a perfect sliver in time" (suggester's words). ( Suggested by zebrazebrazebra and Featured by neurotype )
:iconass9999:
Ass9999 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015
Amazing after reading the explanation.

But what's up with the hyphen, I don't know that kind of punctuation.
Reply
:iconzippip:
zippip Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015
Ah, yes. The hyphen. It's supposed to be a dash, but my computer and I are in an ongoing argument about how to create a dash when I'm writing on d.A. The hyphen is my stand in.
Reply
:iconpaperdart:
PaperDart Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014   Writer
I like how much you say without saying, and I like the almost-parallel between the raccoon tracks and the cracks in the ice (and the way the rhyme lifts out the almost-parallel without being obvious about it at all). Congrats on the DD! :D
Reply
:icondpanders:
DPANDERS Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
There seems to be a lot of disapproval towards this being awarded a DD. For those of you who do not understand why this is deserving, please allow me to help paint a picture for you.

The air moves frigidly through the dead branches of icy skeletal trees; your footprints melt away with each step when you stumble across a field ice. A loud crack followed swiftly by a splash breaks the chilling silence which quickly resumes thereafter. You look for any signs of origin regarding the unrest. Your eyes fall to tiny tracks leading up to the frozen pond. Upon further inspection, you notice it: the broken ice at the end of the tracks. What you feel from there is up to you.

I just conveyed an image with 88 words. This poet managed to paint the same mental illustration with just 10. If you do not find this equivalent to art, then you do not appreciate the diversity that this website offers.
Reply
:iconsoulspoken:
soulspoken Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional Writer
So many images of nature in a little piece of writing. You say you are going for brevity here and you hit the mark wonderfully. You give us the setting, the weather, and the happening. Why is the ice cracking? Was there an impact? Is there imminent danger? Is there something creating a trap? Who knows. That is what is so wonderful about this little guy. I see so much without being given much. Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconatheshya:
Atheshya Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I like~  The last line in particular is a really great image.

I did want to say though, there is a way to count morae in English!  English doesn't really center any of its stress patterns or writing system or anything around morae, but it is possible to count them.

A one-mora syllable would be: a syllable that is just a vowel, or a syllable that is a consonant followed by a short vowel.  "A" and "the" are obvious examples.  There is an issue here in that English doesn't really differentiate between short and long vowels; I would suggest going by ear for this one.

Two-morae would be: a long vowel, a consonant followed by a long vowel, or a consonant followed by a short vowel followed by a consonant.

Three-morae would be: a consonant followed by a long vowel followed by a consonant.

So basically, if C stands for consonant, V stands for short vowel, and V: stands for long vowel, we get:
1: V, CV
2: V:, CV:, CVC
3: CV:C

I hope that made sense and helped!  And I'm sorry if this felt like me criticizing you (I really hope it didn't) - it looks like you've gotten a really strangely negative response to the DD, so I hope everything's alright.
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:iconpaixi:
Paixi Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student
I imagine something fell in, maybe the raccoon.
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: ClapClapClap
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: Tight Hug
Reply
:iconthemidnightwhisp:
TheMidnightWhisp Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Huh, took me a few times to see the picture.
:) I like the image you have painted. I'm a huge fan of haiku's so congrats on the DD. :D
Reply
:icongamewizard-2008:
gamewizard-2008 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Hast the raccoon crossed safely.
Reply
:iconthe-loony:
the-Loony Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
hmmm... one mora desnīt necesserily have to be shorter than a sillable. itīs just that they are, among themselves, all the same spoken lenght (technically speaking).
some sillybles: un, self, bound, I, for, worth, which, ... (correct me if iīm wrong, i never had to detect sillables in english)
some morae: fu, nu, kyo (where the y melts in between the k and the o, not taking itīs own "space" in the time which it takes to pronounce), shu, ba, ...

so while syllables are fitted into a rhythm (with each sound sometimes taking up more "space" and sometimes less, to go along with the rhythm), morae ARE the rhythm. of course there are many syllables that are made up of more sounds than a mora.#

very interesting thing, so forgive me on nerding out a little.
Reply
:iconthe-loony:
the-Loony Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
also i forgot - due to my professional interest in the japanese language - to comment on the haiku itself! pardon.

itīs very nice, an immediate source for a picture, springing up in my mind. so iīd say, a success. :)
Reply
:iconmediscouting:
mediscouting Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
this is cool and all


but may i ask how this got a DD?


i know what a haiku is


but i don't think this one deserved a DD
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you're wondering why it was featured you should ask the person who featured it (me), though the author or another commenter here can help you with the meaning.

FAQ #873: What do I do when I disapprove of a Daily Deviation feature?
Reply
:iconvideogeek95:
Videogeek95 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
...

Seriously?...

This gets a DD?...

Alright... I guess...
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you're wondering why it was featured you should ask the person who featured it (me), though the author or another commenter here can help you with the meaning.

FAQ #873: What do I do when I disapprove of a Daily Deviation feature?
Reply
:iconvideogeek95:
Videogeek95 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
I'm not Angry...

Just really confused...

I don't really see the whole art aspect behind this single verse... And may or may not be boasting when I say... "I could probably come up with something of similar quality rather easy"...

Yet I would probably trash it... Seeing as how I have no eye for any kind of poetry...

Again... No anger... Just heavy confusion...
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you can come up with something of similar quality, I'd like to see it, since I'm always looking for features. :)

I hear the best way to resolve confusion is to ask questions, instead of making assumptions.
Reply
:iconvideogeek95:
Videogeek95 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
Nah... I prefer writing scripts...

And again I state... Seeing as how I never was one for writing poetical structure... I'd probably trash any gems I accidentally made... And not realize they were any good...

But still... I was just expecting a longer poem...

And not something shorter than this comment...
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you aren't interested in haiku, there is no need to expose yourself to them. I personally enjoy how evocative a few words can be—the frost-mired pond, first tracks of the animals escaping hibernation, a loud crack! as the ice thins, the slightest scent of spring on the breeze—but not everyone has to.
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:iconoutof4mmo:
Outof4mmo Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Beautiful writing :)
Reply
:iconwriterofthesky55:
WriterOfTheSky55 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love the way this flows. It's nice to read and smooth on the tongue. Love it!
Reply
:icondakedoom:
dakedoom Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
very vivid and elegant. the rhyme feels amazing like fireworks
Reply
:iconmizu1993:
Mizu1993 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Professional General Artist
Why is this a DD? Why does people like or love this? I am confused. Nothing about this kind of art, but I don't really understand what is going on here XD >_<
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
This is a beautiful kind of art, and of COURSE it should be the DD. Poetry is my favorite... <3
Reply
:iconallvideosown:
AllVideosOwn Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student Writer
If you love poetry, you should explore it more. This just scratches the surface of the raw emotions and beautiful stories stuffed into the old, dusty corners of dA.
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014
Alright then... :(
Reply
:iconallvideosown:
AllVideosOwn Featured By Owner May 1, 2014  Student Writer
It's actually really fun
TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN :iconexcitedlaplz:
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner May 1, 2014
OK then! :)
Reply
:iconallvideosown:
AllVideosOwn Featured By Owner May 2, 2014  Student Writer
AND GO READ POETRY! :salute:
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
YEAH!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmemnalar:
Memnalar Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
Haiku traces its origins as a form of poetry back to the 1600s. It is contemplative, historically a meditation on nature, although variations on style and theme have grown through history. This feature is a fine example of the form, deceptive in its simplicity.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
If you're wondering why it was featured you should ask the person who featured it (me), though the author or another commenter here can help you with the meaning.
Reply
:iconsavingkimi:
SavingKimi Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
A daily deviation means you get your work on the front page of deviantart for 24 hours, when people haven't logged in that is.
Reply
:iconleakittychan:
leakittychan Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
this is just a few random words
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
SHUT UP.
Reply
:iconleakittychan:
leakittychan Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
same goes to you
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014
SHUT UP.
Reply
:iconleakittychan:
leakittychan Featured By Owner May 1, 2014
stop screaming
Reply
:iconwadr5535:
wADr5535 Featured By Owner May 1, 2014
STOP NOT SCREAMING.
Reply
:icongreenyfrost:
GreenyFrost Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
This is a haiku. It is supposed to be short. If you read it a few times you'll understand. The haiku is pretty much saying "Raccon tracks are by a frozen pond with cracked ice."
Reply
:iconleakittychan:
leakittychan Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
I still don't understand how one single sentence can be "beautiful" and everything :( Anyone can write things like this but only some people are praised for it. Anyway, there was something about syllables, can you explain that to me as well, please? 
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
The order makes a huge difference, though. ;p
Reply
:iconxbrokenriversx:
XBrokenRiversX Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful, I love it
Reply
:iconc-blaze21:
C-blaze21 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
Pretty good.
Although technically, it's not a haiku without the right number of syllables.
(5-7-5) 
Reply
:iconthe-loony:
the-Loony Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Student General Artist
meh, if you read the description you will understand. there may, by chance, be a poem that fits the actual measures of a haiku, but as the japanese sounds are made up different, no english, german, .... poem is likely to exactly fulfill the requirements.
itīs simply, that the languages have basic differences that prevent a perfect equivalent.
Reply
:iconramwoc87:
RAMWOC87 Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This-this is awesome XD
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This makes me excited for spring all over again.
Reply
:iconrarkorn:
rarkorn Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014
This isn't really a haiku, though. Haikus have to have a specific amount of syllables.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Reply
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